Source: www.gettyimages.es
When I ask expatriates how they are adapting to their new life in Argentina, I often hear a subtle message hidden behind their words. When they complain, I can tell that it’s not about the bureaucracy of local government. And it´s not the dirty streets of Buenos Aires or the over-emotional demeanor of Argentines that creates all that frustration. There is actually a powerful, unsaid feeling that creates all the fear, anger and uncertainty. Can you guess what it is?
Bingo. It’s about identity. It’s those invisible roots, that make you know exactly who you are, where you are and where you’re going next along a path of time and space.
When you move to a new country, far from loved ones, transitioning from the known to the unknown, the journey is longer than you think. It’s more than a couple of thousands kilometers that you are leaving behind. Rather, you are creating an endless distance between you and your sense of belonging. You feel homeless. Dettached. In-between worlds. Did you ever hear that popular saying in Spanish “No soy de aquí ni soy de allá”? (“I don´t belong here nor there”)… Well, I guess that says it all.
You may be asking, “is there a way out of this feeling?” I would say yes. The common belief behind this sense of rootlessness is thinking of identity as a fixed, rigid structure that we were given when we were children: your hobbies, your possessions, your family traditions and habits, your neighborhood, etc. From this perspective, we get only one precious identity in life, so we can’t afford to lose it.
Now… What if you could think of identity and home as concepts under construction? What if your identity was something you create and re-create every single day of your life, and it is up to you to decide how it’s going to be? If it was up to you to choose the pieces of your identity every morning, treating it as a work of art that lasts a lifetime, then there would be no need to miss home anymore.
Because home is simply where you are.
When you start to believe your identity is in continuous evolution and it transforms as you grow and make decisions, then the big monster of rootlessness doesn´t make sense anymore.
Rather than a physical place, I invite you to perceive home as something you do (by yourself and with others), and therefore it can change because you are doing new things all the time.
You are not the same person you used to be yesterday, but you forget.
You can change jobs, but you think it is impossible.
You can move to a new country, learn a new language, wake up in a different place every day, but it is too scary for a well-established adult like you.
You can give up old activities that you don´t enjoy anymore. You can start a new career or live in a different way, but your family and friends say you are crazy, so you better stick to your routine.
Source: http://shop.holstee.com/pages/about
What new possibilities would you give to yourself if you dared to think of home as an action, rather than a noun? What if your life in a new country was the perfect excuse to take on that forgotten hobby of your childhood? Then, maybe the dusty dream of becoming a writer, an artist or a musician could become reality. Maybe, then the freedom to reinvent yourself during your experience abroad would be present in every step of the journey.
So… what underlying beliefs and old stories are preventing you from having the type of experience abroad you would like to have?
What fixed identity is making it impossible to experience the new YOU that you want to become?
If George Eliot was right, then you could start to believe that
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
CONTACT NATALIA FOR A FREE SKYPE CONSULTATION
Email: natalia_sarro@yahoo.com.ar
Interesting insights Natalia. When we were posted to the UK for three years, we embraced the change with great enthusiasm and excitement. However there still were challenges, and it took a bit to find that new identity of being an expat and navagating the new reality. What helped us was getting to know as many ‘local’ people as we could, and also having some other expats to connect with too. While the three years were a tremendous experience, it was also interesting – and totally unexpected, that when we returned home (to Canada) we had another adjustment to make. The Canada we left was not the same as we returned to, and that caused some challenges too. Thanks for your perspective!
Appreciate your perspective. I think this concept and your advice generalizes out to any major life change or move (even it not from one country to another). Although there are logistic challenges to adjust to and overcome, the rest really is mental and a great opportunity for wonderful change!
~Carrie
When people move abroad they need to remember that this is a new experience and embrace it. One needs to stop, learn, and jump in because no one promises you tomorrow. Enjoy the life given you and be willing to share with and help others out along the way.
I loved this article, it is so true. Having the courage to step outside of the “normal” life and live in a land where you know no one, to learn a new language, to reach out to new friends – all broaden your vision, your mind and your heart in ways that nothing else does. Being abroad for a while diminishes borders and reminds us that we are truly all one in humanity. It is hard to go away, but also hard to return to your “motherland”, I agree with the comment above. I cannot consider myself an American or a Spaniard or only one nationality again – I am just another precious, unique citizen of the earth. Travel on! D.J. Starr
Thou hast made me known to friends whom I know not.
Thou hast given me seats in homes not my own.
Thou hast brought the distant near and made a brother of strangers.
~ R. Tagore
I don’t know that it is “either/or.” I believe that both emotions exist in most expats: rootlessness and finding ones self.
Boyd Lemon-Author of “Eat, Walk, Write: An American Senior’s Year of Adventure in Paris and Tuscany,” and “Digging Deep: A Writer Uncovers His Marriages,” the author’s journey to understand his role in the destruction of his three marriages. Information and excerpts: http://www.BoydLemon-Writer.com. Travel blog: http://www.boomertravelblog.com.
thank you for your words. but when you said “bingo”, my guess was “shame”. i´m in angola, i´m portuguese, and also don´t complain about the bureaucracy of local government. And it´s not the dirty streets of Huambo or the over-emotional demeanor of Angolanos that creates my frustration. I´m trying to isolate, to understand whats happening. But I love my roots, i understand theire importance for me, i think, so, thats not my problem. But your text have been very helpfull.
Very nice observations. I grow more and more convinced of the old adage, “You can never go home.”. For most of us, “home” is a moving target of constantly evolving realities. Who were we? What did we used to know? That old person doesn’t exist anymore, but we seek with longing some familiar reference point. The only way to keep going forward, evolving, and discovering new truths is to embrace the ambiguity and the new challenges. A life of living in foreign places, putting strange sounds in my mouth, and associating with The Other has given me immeasurable riches.
Very nice written, I recognize my own experinece. The step I took in my life – moving to another country and dealing with – yeah, mostly myself , brought me to study anthropology:) I believe that it is not so important where we come from (and yet) but where are we on the way to.
And I believe that we are -despite of politicians – on the way to build a community of conversation across overlapping multiplicities of origin and identification. Processing hybridity is an important source for handling the new social and cultural challenges of the globalized world. People whose life trajectories reach across cultures and different systems of power and people of mixed descent are an essential part of the process of globalization.
Expats are overlooked as a resource not only as qualified labour. They also possess a valuable experience the majority population can learn from, the experience to live with difference and ability to cope with hybrid identities. And not least they embody a source for revising the strategies for attracting and maintaining qualified labour in future.
Hi Natali,
I read the article and it is really really good. It perfectly describes what the sensations, thoughts among others that many of the expatriates are facing once we are in the other side. One feeling is: one foot here -whatever it might be- and other where our cultural, roots, etc. are. It is very complicated to take decisions, when we are 50% in one place and 50% on the other; i.e.: long term decistions, personal commitments, etc. Because of the constant uncertains… I so much agree when you said : Home is where you are! Yes, this is the idea, this should be the path to follow and from here to start drawing
. thanks for the wonderful articles that you write, Miriam